Bank Holiday looms

It was only last night when I checked my Venga Boys calender that I realised we have another bank holiday on Monday. As I had forgotten about it I'd made no plans, It's completely thrown me sideways I don't mind telling you. I was lying in bed toying with a walnut whip thinking what to do with myself when I sat bolt upright and scared the cat, 'Cockle Cove' I shouted.

Cockle Cove for those in the dark is a lovely little seaside resort just twenty minutes from Sellafield. I've spent many a happy bank holiday weekend at Cockle Cove. I used to go there with my friend Roy from the Merchant Navy. We don't see a lot of each other any more since he had his ears pierced and started an unhealthy obsession with Bucks Fizz. We always used to frequent the Agincourt tea rooms run by Fred and Ada, they used to do a twist on the old 'Chicken in a basket' and were famous for their 'Scampi in a hankie'.

Mind you the last time I went was with my friend Everard. We entered the Cockle Cove Fancy dress competition which is held every year. They used to run an unusual pet competition but we never did very well at that. Two years ago a little boy won with a stick insect. I know we came nowhere close with a tin of salmon. Anyway, I digress. We thought we had it sewn up one year going as a pantomime cow. I was at the front batting the eyelids and Everard was behind in charge of squirting the udders. We came second that year to Maud Shadbolts take on Ingmar Bergman. We'd walked from the bed and breakfast in the outfit so at the end of the day we had to make our way back still dressed as the Cow. As it was getting dark we decided to take a shortcut across a field and halfway across Everard started screaming, "There's a Bull coming!, What on earth shall we do?"

"Well I'm going to pretend to eat grass" I said "you'd better brace yourself".