The contortionist

I found this old picture of my friend Winifred and her husband whilst cleaning up the other day. It wasn't a full clean just a flick round with the pledge and a bit of light dusting. Oh it did bring back memories. She was wonderful woman was Winifred. She was double jointed, and for years she toured the music halls as a contortionist, and even at the age of seventy three she could still bend over backwards, put her head between her legs and whistle 'Mother McCree'

'Winn,' I used to say, 'You certainly haven't lost your touch, I don't know how you do it. I only have to lift my leg to put a sock on and I go dizzy, Tell me, what is the secret?'

'Well,' She said, 'I have a wonderful husband, and every night before we went to bed he would think up a new position for me, and he wouldn't turn out the light until I had it right.'

'Winn, ' I said. 'He must be devoted to you. How many men would take the trouble to do that?'

'Yes. ' She said. 'and sometimes if it was a difficult position he used to applaud.'

'Winn,' I said, 'What a happy life you must have led, doing something you enjoyed, and giving pleasure to the masses. I remember seeing you at the old Hippodrome when you used to tie yourself in a knot and invite members of the audience to untie you, what a finale that was, they could never unravel you!.'

'No, never,' She said 'but I can let you in on the secret, What they never realised is that all they had to do was ease the foot out of my mouth , then everything else followed. But they always went for the other bits and just made it tighter, people forget I was the first person in this country to go down a totem-pole like a cork screw whilst singing a selection from Rose-Marie!'

'You couldn't do that nowadays!' I said

'No,' she said, 'I can't remember the words!'