Freddie Fillet

I woke up this morning with the thought of sausage. I don't know why but I was ravenous, normally of a morning I can only stomach the thought of a cup of tea and possibly, if the mood takes me, a bowl of grape nuts. Mind you, the mind works in mysterious ways and I couldn'’t shake the thought of a nice sausage. I decided to pop down to Freddie Fillet our local butcher and get some sausage casings, a half pound of ox tongue and a pound of best belly pork, you see I'’m like my dear old mother, she always made her own sausages, never ever bought ready made. She liked a bit of belly and always wanted to see what was going in.

When I got to Freddie'’s I was reminded of an ill fated romance he had with Apricot Lil, my friend who works down the jam factory. It all happened one Sunday morning when she was riding past his shop just as he was laying out his tripe. It was love at first site and before you knew it she was helping out in the back room rolling his faggots. Mind you that suited Freddie as she had a wonderful touch and used to do it with her eyes closed, she said it helped her to find the gristly bits. And to be fair she was very good, she had the knack of getting them just the right shape and size, she used to weigh them in the palm of her hand, and you always got three to the pound!

Unfortunately it all ended in tears, as these things often do. I don't know the ins and outs of it, but rumour has it that he had asked her to twist his chipolatas while he fetched some meat down from the very top shelf. She said "I'’ll twist your chipolatas when there'’s a ring on my finger," and he, being a bit deaf, replied "The steaks are too high."

Well, that was that, she threw him an old fashioned look, had a nervous nasty and left the shop. His door was still swinging when she was being consoled by Sterilised Stan the milkman who happened to be passing.

Do you know, I don'’t think I could accomodate a sausage now. It's the ox tongue that's putting me off, I don't fancy anything thats come out of an animals mouth.

I'll settle for a soft boiled egg.