Recipe post a HIT! "official records show"

Well, what a whirlwind couple of days I've had. Haven't posted for months and when I do I'm deluged with comments and requests for cooking spots on day time TV. Richard and Judys people think I could be the new Rusty Lee. Actually I used to do a spot on a Sunday evening at the 'Cock and Comfort' in Chigwell as Rusty Cakeslice, of course nowadays you're not allowed to black up for comedy. Not even in Chigwell. Heigh ho.

Anyway, it got me thinking about putting a few more of my favourite recipes on here. Why keep them all in that kitchen drawer hidden by that bag that used to have some cake in it, a braddel and a biro in the shape of Pee Wee Herman.

The first scribbled recipe I found was from Dot Fairbright. You remember her, she was all swank and no drawers. She would never admit to having a fuller figure, although everything she wore looked as though she'd been poured into it, and that was like trying to get a quart into a pint pot! What was strange about her was that winter or summer, she always wore red wellingtons and a fox fur. I remember being behind her once in the fishmongers, she said in a loud voice. 'Oh, I think I'll have some nice haddock again today, as I'm entertaining someone from the council this afternoon.' Which I suppose was true in a way, because they sent someone round to look at her guttering. She said she was thinking of making Haddock de Poshe (what else?) I said to her. 'Oh, Dot, you are very continental in your ways, I'd never think of doing anything other than poaching it in a bit of milk', Well, she scribbled this recipe down for me on the back of a bit of grease proof paper.

Haddock de Poshe

1 fresh haddock
8 0z sausagemeat
breadcrumbs
seasoning
2 oz margerine

Wash the fish. Make a slit down the centre and then stuff with the sausagemeat. place the fish on greased paper in a baking tin, sprinkle with breadcrumbs and seasoning and place pats of marg along the top. Cover and bake for 45 minutes or until the eyes of the haddock look like W C Fields.

Yes, Dot fairbright always felt as though she was a cut above the rest, but Slack had her well taped. I remember Slack saying to me once, 'You can always tell what people are like by looking at the washing on their line.'

I was never quite sure what she meant by that but I do know that every time Dot hung her drawers out the local kids thought the circus was coming to town.

Comfort for depression

I've been lower than a snakes undercrackers of late. Just last night I was sat in the bath squirting the water out of my rubber duck, and thinking 'I'm sure that hole is getting bigger' when suddenly I felt the urge to yodel again.

You see, at one time I was very keen on yodelling, and in fact I even went out and bought myself a Tyrolean hat with a feather stuck in it. And every spare moment I would climb the nearest hillock and give a 'Yo-del-a-ee-dee'. But then one day when I was out yodelling with a friend, my voice suddenly took a turn for the worse. My 'yo' was alright, but I had a lot of trouble with my 'del' and as far as my 'a-ee-dee' was concerned, that dissapeared right up the canyon!

Well, I stopped squeezing the soap into funny shapes, and thought, 'I know, I'll make one of my favourite recipes, Swiss eggs. If that doesn't do anything for my depression and my lack of a good yodel, nothing will.'

It was amazing. After just one mouthful I could feel my yodel coming back and I've not lost it since, so when you're feeling a little bit down, having somewhat of a grey day, why not try my recipe for Swiss eggs, and whilst your at it, why not have a yodel tonight before you go to sleep

Swiss eggs (for four people)
2 oz Margerine
3 oz gruyere cheese
4 eggs
a little nutmeg
a little allspice
salt and pepper
3 tablespoons of carnation milk

Melt half the marg in a pie dish, then put in a thin layer of cheese, and break the eggs on top. Add the seasoning, and pour on carnation followed by the rest of the sheese. place some pats of marg on top and bake in a slow oven for 15-20 minutes. There you have it, Swiss eggs.

Yo-Del-A-Ee-Dee!